Write your wedding vows as a letter first
Written by hand · Sealed with wax · Sent as one link
Most people get stuck on vows because they try to sound like a ceremony instead of like themselves. Writing to your partner as a letter lets you start with plain speech, and the promises tend to show up on their own. A good set of vows names real things you have seen them do and real things you intend to do about them.
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Ways to begin
“I have been trying to write this for three weeks, and the honest reason it is hard is that I do not want to get it wrong.”
“The first time I knew was not a big moment. You were doing the dishes and humming, and I thought, I could listen to this for the rest of my life.”
“Before I promise you anything, I want to tell you what I have noticed about how you love people, because that is what I am promising to be part of.”
What to write
1. Make each promise something you could be held to on an ordinary Tuesday, like "I will say sorry first when I know I am wrong," not "I will love you forever."
2. Include one small, true detail only the two of you would recognize, such as a habit, a nickname or a bad trip that turned out fine.
3. Write the long, messy version first, then cut it down to what you can say out loud in about two minutes without your voice giving out.
Frequently asked questions
Q. How do I structure personal wedding vows?
A simple order works well: say what you have noticed about them, say what they changed in your life, then make three to five specific promises, and end with one short line you can say by heart. Drafting it as a letter helps because you can move paragraphs around before you commit.
Q. Can I send my draft to my partner, or keep it private until the day?
Either. The letter is sealed with wax and sent as one link, and you can add a password so only the people you tell can open it. You can also set an opening date, and it unlocks at 00:00 that day, for example on your wedding morning. Writing, sealing and sending are free.