A letter to a grieving friend, when you can't find the words
Written by hand · Sealed with wax · Sent as one link
Most people go quiet after a loss because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing, and your friend usually notices the silence more than any clumsy sentence. A good letter doesn't try to fix anything. It names the person who died, says you're thinking of them, and promises something small and real that you will actually do.
Free · No sign-up needed · Sent as a link
Ways to begin
“I don't have the right words, so I'm not going to pretend I do. I just want you to know I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.”
“I keep thinking about your dad laughing at his own jokes before he got to the end of them. I'm so sorry he's gone.”
“You don't have to answer this. I'll check in again next week anyway, and the week after that.”
What to write
1. Use the name of the person or pet who died, and include one small memory of them. Friends often fear that mentioning the loss will hurt, but being forgotten hurts more.
2. Skip lines like "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place." Say "this is awful" or "I'm so sorry" instead, and leave the explaining out.
3. Offer one specific thing rather than "let me know if you need anything": dinner on Thursday, a walk on Sunday, or a call whenever they feel like it. Add that they never need to reply.
Frequently asked questions
Q. What do I say to a friend who lost a parent, partner or pet?
Keep it short and honest. Say you're sorry, share a memory of who they lost, and tell them you'll keep showing up. The same approach works for a pet, since that grief is real too. Don't compare it to your own losses, and don't ask them to be strong.
Q. Can I set the letter to arrive on a certain day, like the anniversary or a birthday?
Yes. You can set an opening date, and the letter unlocks at 00:00 that day. Many people choose a day weeks after the loss, once the flowers and messages have stopped. You send one link by any messenger, text or email, and your friend opens it in a browser with no app and no sign-up.